Sometimes I get feeling a little down about things.
I don't feel healthy very often, and feeling sickly weighs on me pretty heavily. I want to do more and be more, and I'm frustrated that I don't feel like I can... I find it especially frustrating to watch others who are in far worse health than I am accomplish all of these things I don't feel like I can do. It makes me so annoyed with myself for not being stronger.
I feel like I'm a fountain of negative statements with Belle. I try not to be, but some days that is easier than others. Today was one of those "no" at every turn sort of days. I hate those.
I need to do a better job of fueling myself spiritually, but I always seem to forget to plug in when I have the ability to rest and re-charge.
After days like today, I find myself desiring a few hours totally to myself, filled with quiet and peace and a clear head. It's just not always easy to find that lately.
Really though, I know how very blessed I am. I do. My life is wonderful. Thus, I'm going to try to fall asleep counting my blessings.
Monday, September 16, 2013
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
There's no use pretending that it's just gonna go away...
A little ALO always seems to make things better.
Tuesdays are long.
When I was working for the library system, I used to often refer to Tuesday as Full-Moon Tuesday... because the crazies always seemed to come out on Tuesday nights. Now I know why. I have become one of them. :)
Given that today is a Tuesday, we're doing alright. I've got a load of dishes running, and I mopped the floor. No one has died.
However, I have lost my patience with the little one more than once. I don't know if it is her, or if it's me. She does two things that make me insane, and I can't seem to find a way to respond that lets her know I don't want her to do those things. Either my response seems to her to be a game, or my response is so cross that I feel like that mom I don't want to be. The one who is always cranky with her kids over little stuff... The thing is, the stuff that drives me crazy? It's stuff I don't want her doing around other people either. Biting is not acceptable behavior. Neither is violently ripping the glasses off someone's face. I resorted to contacts early in the day, because it was simply impossible to sit down and have my face left alone. I don't know how to combat the biting though. That's one that mystifies me. Nothing I do elicits the response I want from her... which is to stop biting me. If anything, my attempts at getting her to stop make her want to do it more.
Really want to break that habit before another little monkey comes along.
Anyway. It's Tuesday. What can you do?
Tuesdays are long.
When I was working for the library system, I used to often refer to Tuesday as Full-Moon Tuesday... because the crazies always seemed to come out on Tuesday nights. Now I know why. I have become one of them. :)
Given that today is a Tuesday, we're doing alright. I've got a load of dishes running, and I mopped the floor. No one has died.
However, I have lost my patience with the little one more than once. I don't know if it is her, or if it's me. She does two things that make me insane, and I can't seem to find a way to respond that lets her know I don't want her to do those things. Either my response seems to her to be a game, or my response is so cross that I feel like that mom I don't want to be. The one who is always cranky with her kids over little stuff... The thing is, the stuff that drives me crazy? It's stuff I don't want her doing around other people either. Biting is not acceptable behavior. Neither is violently ripping the glasses off someone's face. I resorted to contacts early in the day, because it was simply impossible to sit down and have my face left alone. I don't know how to combat the biting though. That's one that mystifies me. Nothing I do elicits the response I want from her... which is to stop biting me. If anything, my attempts at getting her to stop make her want to do it more.
Really want to break that habit before another little monkey comes along.
Anyway. It's Tuesday. What can you do?
Monday, January 21, 2013
Beauty all around...
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I know.
For me, the beautiful things are usually the small things. They are the way my husband smiles a half smile that makes a dimple just at the corner of his mouth. It's the smile that says "I'm holding back a perfectly delicious witty or sarcastic comment right now." It's the smile that won my heart.
Belle has that same little dimple sometimes, and while it doesn't necessarily come attached to a witticism, it is equally mischievous. It is her "I'm getting away with something just by being cute!" smile. In either face, it makes me thankful for my life.
The beautiful things are a clean kitchen floor, swept by my hubby before he left for work. It will surely be messy again by the time he comes home, but I like to think that sweeping this morning was less about a clean floor, and more about a gesture of love. He knows how much better I feel when the floor isn't littered with crumbs.
The beautiful things are the words of a child, reminding me that I too am different on purpose. I've been feeling like I don't fit in a lot recently. My soul has been in want of a niche. I've been feeling like I need to change myself so that I'll fit better... but that sweet 6 year old is wise beyond her years. I am different on purpose. There is beauty in being me, in my quirks, my insecurities, my ever increasing girth. There is beauty in knowing that I don't have to be like anyone else in order for my Heavenly Father to love me. There, I fit. Always.
Beauty is in the e-mail exchanges I've been having with a dear friend, the talk about everything and nothing, and the feeling that I am not expected to be any different than I am here. I can be real, be honest, be completely me and not worry about offending the reader. We have known each other long enough to be at ease in our friendship. She has seen me in my worst moments, so I have nothing to fear.
Beauty is a song that makes me want to get up out of my recliner and move on with my day, even though my body seems to want to sleep a little longer, my head wants to pound a little harder, and my feet are starting to feel puffy. Because from this side of the morning, I couldn't care less. :)
For me, the beautiful things are usually the small things. They are the way my husband smiles a half smile that makes a dimple just at the corner of his mouth. It's the smile that says "I'm holding back a perfectly delicious witty or sarcastic comment right now." It's the smile that won my heart.
Belle has that same little dimple sometimes, and while it doesn't necessarily come attached to a witticism, it is equally mischievous. It is her "I'm getting away with something just by being cute!" smile. In either face, it makes me thankful for my life.
The beautiful things are a clean kitchen floor, swept by my hubby before he left for work. It will surely be messy again by the time he comes home, but I like to think that sweeping this morning was less about a clean floor, and more about a gesture of love. He knows how much better I feel when the floor isn't littered with crumbs.
The beautiful things are the words of a child, reminding me that I too am different on purpose. I've been feeling like I don't fit in a lot recently. My soul has been in want of a niche. I've been feeling like I need to change myself so that I'll fit better... but that sweet 6 year old is wise beyond her years. I am different on purpose. There is beauty in being me, in my quirks, my insecurities, my ever increasing girth. There is beauty in knowing that I don't have to be like anyone else in order for my Heavenly Father to love me. There, I fit. Always.
Beauty is in the e-mail exchanges I've been having with a dear friend, the talk about everything and nothing, and the feeling that I am not expected to be any different than I am here. I can be real, be honest, be completely me and not worry about offending the reader. We have known each other long enough to be at ease in our friendship. She has seen me in my worst moments, so I have nothing to fear.
Beauty is a song that makes me want to get up out of my recliner and move on with my day, even though my body seems to want to sleep a little longer, my head wants to pound a little harder, and my feet are starting to feel puffy. Because from this side of the morning, I couldn't care less. :)
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Ten
I've been wanting to write just for the sake of writing. It is something that feeds my soul, and I've been in need of more feeding recently. You know, eating for two and all of that...
The trouble is that apart from writing about stuff my adorable daughter is doing (rearranging the kitchen cabinets, at the moment) I don't feel like there's much for me to say. My life is simple, and I like it that way, but sometimes it makes me feel boring.
So, I went in search of some journal prompts and I liked the one I found HERE.
List 10 actions that, when done, make you feel as if you have really accomplished something with your day.
1. A clean kitchen floor is one of the most difficult things for me to achieve, so I'd say it's up there on the list of things that make me feel accomplished, even though it's such a small and seemingly stupid thing.
2. If I can make my daughter giggle until she snorts.
3. Completing a project that is NOT cleaning related... ie. Sewing something, making a piece of art to hang in the home, finishing a good book... Something along those lines.
4. Sad but true: Getting completely ready... Showered, dressed, make up and hair done. I strive to do this every day because it goes a long way toward making me feel like a human being-- even on the days I don't intend to leave the house or be seen by anyone excepting my family. Plus, I think it probably is nice for Troy to see someone other than the bed-haired, occlusal-guard-wearing, oily faced mess he wakes up to when he comes home from work. ;)
5. Getting Belle to willingly ride in a shopping cart without throwing a tantrum is a big deal. I sometimes wonder if I will EVER go to a store again when BB is born, because I simply do not understand how other mothers accomplish this. High five to anyone who does. Extra bonus fives for each additional offspring you cart along.
6. A load of laundry, start to finish and PUT AWAY.
7. Vacuuming, because that means the floor was clean enough to vacuum at one point. Rare and delightful.
8. If someone happens to read and then comment a blog post, it makes me feel like I've reached out to someone in this world and made a connection with them, at least enough to make them want to respond to what I've said.
9. A clean sink. That means the dishes are caught up. Hallelujah.
10. This last one is something that I can't personally do, but it does make me feel like I've accomplished something if my hubby notices that I've done any of the above items and says something about it. (Hopefully not in the "Oh my gosh it's a miracle" sort of way, but in the "Hey thanks for doing ____." way.)
Having listed these, I'm realizing that I've accomplished exactly 1 of the things on my list today. Might be worth trying for one or two more. :)
The trouble is that apart from writing about stuff my adorable daughter is doing (rearranging the kitchen cabinets, at the moment) I don't feel like there's much for me to say. My life is simple, and I like it that way, but sometimes it makes me feel boring.
So, I went in search of some journal prompts and I liked the one I found HERE.
List 10 actions that, when done, make you feel as if you have really accomplished something with your day.
1. A clean kitchen floor is one of the most difficult things for me to achieve, so I'd say it's up there on the list of things that make me feel accomplished, even though it's such a small and seemingly stupid thing.
2. If I can make my daughter giggle until she snorts.
3. Completing a project that is NOT cleaning related... ie. Sewing something, making a piece of art to hang in the home, finishing a good book... Something along those lines.
4. Sad but true: Getting completely ready... Showered, dressed, make up and hair done. I strive to do this every day because it goes a long way toward making me feel like a human being-- even on the days I don't intend to leave the house or be seen by anyone excepting my family. Plus, I think it probably is nice for Troy to see someone other than the bed-haired, occlusal-guard-wearing, oily faced mess he wakes up to when he comes home from work. ;)
5. Getting Belle to willingly ride in a shopping cart without throwing a tantrum is a big deal. I sometimes wonder if I will EVER go to a store again when BB is born, because I simply do not understand how other mothers accomplish this. High five to anyone who does. Extra bonus fives for each additional offspring you cart along.
6. A load of laundry, start to finish and PUT AWAY.
7. Vacuuming, because that means the floor was clean enough to vacuum at one point. Rare and delightful.
8. If someone happens to read and then comment a blog post, it makes me feel like I've reached out to someone in this world and made a connection with them, at least enough to make them want to respond to what I've said.
9. A clean sink. That means the dishes are caught up. Hallelujah.
10. This last one is something that I can't personally do, but it does make me feel like I've accomplished something if my hubby notices that I've done any of the above items and says something about it. (Hopefully not in the "Oh my gosh it's a miracle" sort of way, but in the "Hey thanks for doing ____." way.)
Having listed these, I'm realizing that I've accomplished exactly 1 of the things on my list today. Might be worth trying for one or two more. :)
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